The Whisper Post
Parental Advisory: Explicit Macking
written by JusHH
Parental Advisory: Explicit Macking
written by JusHH
(Scene: Late Night, Club Night. Lights are low and heavy bass fills the crowded room.
The Cassanova-brown-Chocolate-boy-wonder-P-I-M-P JusHH enters the room and sees a Fly-SpottieOttieDopaliscious-Pretty Young-gorgeous-Hot Thang.)
(JusHH approaches and lays his game down quite flat)
Excuse me lil’ mama, lemme whisper in your ear. And tell you some things you might like to hear.
Gotdamn, backyard bangin’ like a “benz-ie”. I love it in a similar way that a fat kid loves cake. Nah baby, I love you like I love my d**k size.
Now I don’t know if you’ve heard about me but you couldn’t measure my d**k with six rulers. In fact, my jimmy runs deep, so deep that it will but your butt to sleep.
What I wanna know is if I buy you a drank (whoa, woo) and we’re in the bed like (ooh, ooh, ooh), will you make it disappear like a Sprite can in your mouth?
Just lemme play with the little man on the boat and I’ll make sure that by the end of the night, you’ll have “Seaman’s” Furniture.
You might be used to dudes spending – and all that sweet wining and dining, well I’m f**king you tonight.
(JusHH gently grabs her arm)
So I’m saying ma, you rolling with me or what?
No?
Damn.
(Pain strikes JusHH’s heart as the Fly-SpottieOttieDopaliscious-Pretty Young-gorgeous-Hot Thang, walks out of the club)
Well, I guess this leaves me no other choice then to head to the parking lot and pimp.
Fin.
(Special thanks to the Ying-Yang Twins, Ghostface, 50 Cent, Cappadona, Big Pun, Ice Cube, T-Pain, Lil’ Kim, Phife from ATCQ, B.I.G. and Jay-Z for inspiring me and f**king up my night by making me go home alone)
~ * ~
Seriously, is it any wonder why women are so damn unsatisfied by dudes? Listen to the crap that we say to them? For all the songs that rappers do “for the ladies”, they don’t know what the hell they are talking about. Is it too much to ask for a bit more romance in Hip-Hop. Sure you get it in some spurts, but we need a bit more lovin’ and less “brains” in our music.
… But if you just have to talk about sex without the romance, and you need an example of how to do it properly, check T.I.’s verse on “Love in this Club (Remix)”, mostly any Ludacris verse or one of my favorite lines from Mr. Weey F. Baby:
Me and your boyfriend is not the same
I go down like the Stock Exchange
And then I bring it up
Excuse me, I drink it up
And leave you soaking wet from your ankle up
Let’s bring the romantic, Cyrano de Bergerac type ish back. Let’s get that rose petal-I wanna make love to you-massage your back type raps back.
Corny dudes need not apply.
Come on ma’, lemme upgrade you.
15 comments:
Um ok so it's really early in the morning and I was listening to the radio as I got dressed and the Sean Bell verdict was the topic (yes I am wearing all black) so I had some things on my mind. Then I sit down at my desk and the first thing after I check my email is PTM, and I see this.
The G stands up and applauds!!!!! Now I don't really mind the raunchy, lay the pipe down, I just wanna beat type songs so much. I think sometimes they're funny (with the exception of Get Low, I could never get into that song). But they have they're place. They should NEVER be an example to guys on how to approach a woman--not even in a club.
Not only was this post hilarious, ALL of those lines I have recited while singing those songs, my favorite "Bust off on your couch now u got Seamen's furniture." Had to love Phife for that one, its f***in clever! This post took my mood into a different direction--especially now that I hafta see the dumbass construction worker/aspiring rapper (EVERYDAY MIND YOU) who totally invaded my morning ritual tryna run game at 7AM!!!!! (I didn't wanna be mean but I had to =/
Let's bring the romance back to hip hop ya'll, LL lick ya lips and make the ladies go wild style.
"Let’s get that rose petal-I wanna make love to you-massage your back type raps back." WOW
UMMMMMMM, YEAH!!! About this post. I don't think the warning was enough. If so I would have been a bit more prepared for this at 10am. MAYBE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN ALL CAPS. With a couple of exclamation marks.
But now that Im focused again. This post is the truth. If I ever hear a dude spit a line from the YING YANG twins, or n e rapper, and is seriously trying to incorporate that into his game, I THINK ILL JUST LOOK AT HIM AND WALK AWAY.
We need some LL COOL J romance back in hip hop. Who does it/ did it better than LL? TI, does bring it, and sometimes Wayne, but other than that, its lacking.
I appreciate this post... PTM is so official...
Hahahahah. Show the ladies some love.
Yeah I just thought it was funny how when a rapper says, "yo, this is for the ladies" and then you listen to the lyrics, you realize that in the real world no woman would really want these things said to her by some random dude (lol)
glad yall likey ;)
plus, how the f**k else were the Ying Yang Twins gonna end up on PTM?!?!
I was hurt to find that this post was a joke, seeing as how I've used many of these lines, or variations of them, during my frequent trips to various clubs.
I always thought my shirt wasn't fly enough (polka dots isn't in?), or my jeans were too loose (yo, skinny tight jeans on dudes is in?), my breath was funky, my shape up was misaligned, or the cosmo I was holding just wasn't man enough. Little did I know that quoting my favorite ringtones wasn't the best way to acquire some sweet poon.
Thanks pastthemargin. Now I know the error of my ways. I gotta quote RnB artists!!!!
Sexy Can I...Feel on Yo Boohoohooty!
haha! Good shit, JusHH!
Sincerest line to use at a club, fellas:
"I'm interested in gettin' to know you. What's your name?"
D.
The cosmo Just K? Never that! Nah can't be.
LMAO @ Just K.
Yeah R&B needs some help too... this ain't your big brother's R&B anymore.
Sure ain't. Man, that post was golden, JusHH. I knew we were in for it off the title and picture alone. Homegirl couldn't have been excited about dirty-blonde dyed chin hair in her ear.
LMAO!!!!!
I loooooved this!! Can we get a lil romance in hip-hop! Hello! How about some rappers get it right-- just inconsistantly. TIP, gets it right majority of the time though so props to him. Pimp hand strong. LOL.
I loved this post.
the HustleHer, I gave TI, Luda and Wayne some props at the end of the post.
But word, LL needs to start teaching a class on this stuff...
Best example of how to make a sex song is "Doin' It"
Great post. The thing I like about PTM is most likely whatever is going on in your life at the time will be relatable to something that is happening on the site.
I was talking to my sister last week about hip hop(she's a major critic) and she was JUST saying how she likes the fact that she doesn't reel like Wayne is rapping AT her or trying to belittle her when he raps about women. So JuSHH you were right on target with this one.
There is definitely a way to reach the female audiance. I don't think it happens by rapping like Too-Short tho. hahaha...
what, women dont like it when you ask em to PUT IT IN YA MOOUUUTHHHH!! you "BEEEEEEEIIIIITCH" hahahahahahhah
They did a feature on LL Cool J last night on Yo MTV Raps (or one of those MTV channels, can't tell the diff these days). I thought of this post most especially when they played "Pink Cookies In a Plastic Bag..." I went nuts! I'm not even gonna comment on "Doin It" JusHH.
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