Please take your seats...

Welcome to The Just K Awards. Tonight we’re gathered together to honor some rappers for no particular reason what so ever. Lyricist of the year? Best rap album of the year? Best new artist? Nah. We don’ have any of those categories. If we did, I wouldn’t be Just K and this wouldn’t be PTM. This year’s Just K Awards will include performances by no one (we’re in a recession; what’d you expect?). Presenters include – let’s not worry about presenters, or performers for that matter. Let’s just get these awards out. And now I present without further ado…

The Just K Awards
(created, directed, and hosted by Just K
produced by DJ GWIZ and the good
people of www.pastthemargin.com)
(highlight to see winners)

Least Likely to Earn Street Cred:
Lil’ Fizz
Bow Wow
Young Berg

And the “winner” is: YOUNG BERG Obviously this was a tough decision. Lil’ Fizz and Bow Wow have both collaborated with Omarion, which is fine. Collaborating with RnB dudes is nothing new. Fizz hasn’t dropped anything in a while, so he might be in the streets earning cred right now. Bow Wow, no one really takes seriously despite his abundance of tattoos. It’s not a question of whether or not he has street cred. It’s more like no one really cares. Now Young Berg…wow. Just take a look at his ’08. Getting beat down and relieved of his Transformers chain in Detroit and get whooped in a fair one by Master P’s nephew. What really hurts him are his attempts to get a reputation by putting himself in rather perilous situations. And the results have earned him this award. Congrats, I guess.

Most Likely to Succeed:
Mickey Factz
Drake
B.O.B.
Asher Roth
Wale
Kid Cudi

And the winner is: ASHER ROTH Yes, my “I called it” on Drake is well documented, but Asher Roth is the guy I think will be most likely to succeed. He found a very special lane with the college crowd. On top of that, when he grows as an artist, the college kids will probably be growing with him. He’s got a unique style and flow, even though his voice is a bit similar to Mr. Shady. Regardless, the kid can rap and his audience is tuning in. Success is imminent. Drake is a strong runner up.

Most Likely to Never Drop a Debut Album:
Status Quo
True Life
Saigon
Papoose
Curren$y
Spliff Star
Jae Millz

And the “winner” is: SPLIFF STAR Does anybody else have the “When Disaster Strikes” album from Busta Rhymes? Do you remember the song in which Spliff Star was spazzing out over a beat, then Busta said something to the effect of “Yo, chill god. Don’t kill ‘em on my album. N****z know your joint is coming soon.” That was back in ’97. A decade and change later…nada. Some of these artists will go independent. Maybe even go the digital label route (see: Saigon), but Lieutenant Spliff is going to stick by General Busta. Tough.

Most Likely to Make a Fan Overdose:
Lil’ Wayne
The Clipse

And the winner is: THE CLIPSE Again, a tough call. Lil’ Wayne sounds so high that fans can practically catch contact through the speakers. But those boys from VA talk about that pure white like none other. Even more impressive, they rarely take time off to address different subject matter. A smooth 90% or more if their material is focused on drugs, drug dealing, drug paraphernalia, drug fiends, forgiveness for selling drugs, drug money, things drug money can buy - you get the picture. Forget contact. Listening to their CDs and mixtapes is equivalent to snorting a line.

Most Likely to be Overlooked as a Legend:
Scarface
AZ
E-40
Busta Rhymes
Cee-lo

And the “winner” is: AZ This was an easy call. The others have had more mainstream success. Anthony Cruz has some of the most impressive flows, word play, concepts, breath control and pure lyricism in the rap game. People just seem to forget him. Shame. If you don’t know, check out Serious by Nas & AZ (still one of the best tag teams to ever do it). That’s just a glimpse of the guy’s talent. With almost 10 quality albums under his belt, it’s a crime that he’s so slept on.

Least Likely to Put Down the Mic:
Snoop Doggy Dogg
Jay-Z
Fat Joe
KRS-One
Busta Rhymes

And the winner is: KRS-ONE The original Mr. I am Hip-Hop. Dude’s 44 and can still smash shows and MCs. He’s going nowhere. In about 20 years, I can put money on who will be wrecking the talent shows at the retirement home.

Best Female Rapper On the Billboard 100: ??????????

And the winner is: BEYONCE? Damn. The closest thing we got is Beyonce for “Diva.” It’s a cold world for female rappers.

Most Likely to Create Their Own Language:
Lil’ Wayne
E-40
Snoop Dogg
Cam’ron
Jim Jones

And the winner is: E-40 http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/500244/19980811/e_forty.jhtml It didn’t quite happen, but dude had big dreams.

Most Likely to Take the Biggest L in Ross vs. 50:
Rick Ross
DJ Khaled
50 Cent
Rick Ross’s baby mama

And the “winner” is: Rick Ross’s kid In a surprise turn of events, it turns out Rick Ross’s kid is going to take the biggest L on this one. Whoever the poor kid is, video of his moms getting piped down (featuring an accompanying narration by 50 Cent) got streamed all over the world. Damn. Uncool.

That’s the end of our show ladies and gentlemen. We do hope you’ve enjoyed the Just K Awards Show. Feel free to invent your own awards show or add on to Just K’s. This is Just K signing off. Thanks for coming out. God Bless. Good night. All proceeds from this evening’s event will go directly to AIG bonuses.