Have you seen them?

“That Guy”
written by JusHH

One of the best things about Hip-Hop is its diversity. You’ll see people from all walks of life adding their little bit to the culture and making it that much better. So many different characters with so many great styles get thrown in the melting pot and it’s great.

One of the worst things about Hip-Hop is its diversity. You’ll get these people from all over the place who just bother you and you wished they’d go away. So many different ways that they would annoy you – it’s horrible.

We all know about these people, we can spot them a mile away and although you may never mention it to everyone else, it burns you up and you just want these people to get excommunicated from Hip-Hop Island.

The Incense Guy

This is the dude that only listens to “conscious” music and completely despises anything “popluar or commercial”. This guy usually wears a Che Gueverra T-Shirt and usually rocks the dreads. (the women also tend to rock dreads and a lot of beads) But sometimes he doesn’t wear the uniform and you can get tricked into a conversation with him. He’ll ask you who you listen to and you’ll say that you’re a fan of guys like Jay-Z and he’ll give you that snobbish “well I don’t listen to that pop music” look. You just want to slap him not just because he somehow thinks he’s better than you because he likes Mos Def but probably because you could probably recite the New Danger album better than he can.

The New, Old School Guy

This guy was born sometime after 1981. He doesn’t wear any notable clothing so you can’t tell by just looking at him. He’s the guy who didn’t get into Hip-Hop until well into his teens and might have been a complete dork until his final year in High School. Anyway, he ends up finding Hip-Hop and like many of us, falls in love with it. Then he starts listening to all of the music from the past 20 years. You get into a conversation with this guy and he tries to make it seem that he’s a bigger fan of Hip-Hop than you are because he knows all of the words to “I Know you Got Soul” on the Paid In Full album. And you say to yourself, “aww shut up, that album came out when I was 6 years old. And you know for a damn fact you just listened to that song for the first time last month.”

The Gangsta Guy

Probably one of the most annoying because you can’t hold any type of intelligent Hip-Hop conversation with him. You can easily spot this guy because he wears whatever the hottest gangster rapper is wearing at the time. So basically he’s worn a rag around his neck, big sunglasses and a skull on his belt all in the same calendar year. He only uses clichéd lines that he hears on these songs. What’s the most frustrating is that he rates rappers solely based on their criminal background. Its why to him, “Jim Jones ate Hov because Hov ain’t in the streets no more, ya heard me? Byrd gang early.” He has absolutely no concept for lyrical skill, he just listens for key phrases about guns or drugs. He’s also the guy that tries to school you on what the rapper means when he talks about “17.5” as if he’s actually done it.

The Now 25 Guy

This “guy” is more likely to be a girl. You can’t exactly spot her from a distance but she usually has a name like Courtney or Bridgette. Now she truly loves Hip-Hop music but has never actually grown up around it so its really on a superficial level. For example she only knows songs that play on the radio or has a video on MTV so forget about any Little Brother conversations. Even for rappers that she may know, she only knows about the songs that are currently hot. So you may say something like, “Kanye came a long way lyrically since his first album. I mean “Get ‘Em High” was crazy but he’s so much better now.” And she’ll respond with something like this. “Oh, I don’t have any of his old stuff, I only have “Flashing Lights” and “Stronger” on my iTunes.”

The Inside Scoop Guy

This guy is competing with the Gangsta guy for the title. You can spot this guy 1) because he is always trying to dress trendy and 2) he never ever shuts up. He’s always the loudest at the barbershop and he will never hesitate to take an opportunity to name drop or brag about somewhere he’s been. He usually knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows the cousin of that particular rapper. Every song that is played in his vicinity, he has a 3rd person back story about who it is subliminally dissing or when we could expect to hear their next (and currently unannounced) album. He feels like who he thinks is the best rapper is fact because he’s “connected” to the industry. Out of nowhere, he’s the type to say something asinine like, “nah I don’t mess with Nas cuz back in the day, AZ used to write all his rhymes, word.”

The Mad Rapper Guy

Easy to spot and easy to avoid. You can’t have a conversation because he hates everyone and everything. Everyone who has a deal is a sell out and no one can rap. He’ll say things like, “Jay-Z’s rhymes are like pre-school rhymes.” Conversations go fast because he’ll quickly talk about how he’s trying to rap and try and get you to listen to his stuff. Once you decline, he’ll leave you alone.

If you see any of these people, please call 1-800-555-4PTM. We can help.