... Like what the hell am I doing right?

Crucial Conflict
written by JusHH

Gun violence is ugly. There’s nothing poetic, glamorous or redeeming about it. Living in a city that is plagued by murder it breaks your heart to see how little life is valued. After reading about another young child being brutally murdered, I find it hard for me to justify putting on or even reciting lyrics in my head about someone “peeling your cap back with the fifth.” There’s really nothing witty about someone being shot in the head. I find it weird that I don’t face similar guilt when I decide to watch The Matrix. I guess watching Neo shoot up a bunch of computer programs doesn’t resonate as much as a rapper from a neighborhood not too far from where I grew up taking the life of someone who doesn’t look much different than I do. Yet I always come back to the music and I still recite lines that describe aspects of life that makes my eyes well up with tears. This is my conflict.


The one thing that people must always remember is that Hip-Hop lyrics are never the causes of social ills, they are the effects. Do not let the commercialization of Hip-Hop fool you, the harsh words in their rhymes are the realities that millions face everyday. I never considered the neighborhood that I lived in to be a bad neighborhood. I define a bad neighborhood as a place where you can’t escape trouble, even if you tried. While there was trouble around me, I was always able to steer clear of it. Too many aren’t that lucky. Imagine trying to walk home from school scared to death that someone might try and rob you. Then it happens, what do you do? You have to fight. You either get friends (read click, crew, gang) to support you or get a weapon. Because this isn’t like the movies where you punch the bully in the eye and he goes away. No, he comes back with three homies and a bat. This fear manifests itself into anger and aggression. Yeah peace is nice but there’s no room for error when you could be someone’s target at any time. So the attitude is “fuck you” and “anybody that wants it can get it.” The police? Why bother. Half of them think you’re part of the problem and the other half doesn’t care what happens to you. “So fuck them too.” You don’t have to have ten bodies on your gun to understand the mentality that you might have to make that “it’s either him or me” decision on your way back from a house party. You don’t want to think this way but you feel that you don’t have a choice. This is the hood’s conflict.

Some who are born and raised in this environment, found away to express it through words. They weave their own observations, first hand experiences and emotions into vivid street tales of drugs, violence and poverty. These words were their outlet and later, their way out of the hood. Is it their fault that America has this weird fascination with “the hood”? And is it their fault that they can get paid handsomely for it? They’ve been failed by their parent(s), schools and government. Who are we to tell these young rappers to turn down possibly their only way to get real financial success? Ask any rapper if they like or enjoy the realities of their lyrics and they’ll all say no without hesitation. T.I. will still write a rhyme about putting you in a box if you test him because he can’t shake that part of him that feels like his life is at risk. Even at the height of his career, he witnessed one of his close friends being shot to death in a drive-by while on the road. These rappers may not be living the lives of those in which they recite over beats but many if not all of their friends still do. They can’t turn their backs on what they’ve known their entire lives. Plus it’s not like the crowd in their new tax bracket is that welcoming either. A bunch of people who can’t relate and probably doesn’t respect the route that they took to make their money (read “don’t like rap music”). So these rappers stay around what makes them comfortable. The doo-rags, the Tim boots, the slang. Unfortunately, the haters and the thugs aren’t too far behind. So as these young men delicately tow the line between the life they want and the world that they are from, it all gets reflected in their art. It’s how they craft rhymes about the paper that they chase while keeping a steady finger on the trigger. This is the rapper’s conflict.

I guess it is Hip-Hop’s gift and curse – these talented people were able to lift themselves up through their art but their art is rooted in the very thing that is trying to kill them. It is unrealistic and unfair to expect these kids, who are college aged at best, to spearhead the movement toward change, especially when they themselves can so easily be brought down by the same problems that they would try and fix. Hip-Hop culture was created to represent the lives of those in the inner-cities and give them a way to express that to the world. Like it or not, Hip-Hop has always been a mirror that indiscriminately and unapologetically reflects the good, bad and the ugly. If you want Hip-Hop to change, then first you have to fix the social problems that plague the people in it. Because guns and drugs are bigger than any one rhyme, scratch, breakdance or graffiti tag. The problem is, the only thing that might be able to fix these problems is Hip-Hop. But for that to happen, the culture has to change fundamentally from a mirror to a window that sets its sights on a more positive future. People must work together to use the art to help elevate. But its hard to write a rhyme about changing the community when you are worried if you might not make it through the day. This is Hip-Hop’s conflict.

I love Hip-Hop. I love my neighborhood. I love my people. So yes, I will continue to bump it loud and proud in my speakers for those artists who were able to take the ugliest aspects of life and make them beautiful. I will continue to support these rhymes that depict the lives of kids who the greater part of this country would rather ignore. I will also continue to try and think of a way that we can turn this mirror into a window and make a difference so that one day, I can finish reading the local paper and then put on my favorite rap record and not feel so conflicted.